Changing for the better

I’m an emotional eater. I celebrate with food when I’m happy, console myself with food when I’m sad. Food helped me cope with my feelings and became a friend. Three kids and a failed marriage later, I’m at the heaviest I’ve ever been. I have continued to see myself through rose colored glasses. I knew I had gained because when my love muffin and I decided to go to Mexico for vacation, none of my summer clothes from the previous year fit. What the hell – I’ll go up a size, they’ll be comfortable when I lose this extra weight. Guess what? I’ve never lost it. Fall came and my clothes (again) from last season didn’t fit.

I used to enjoy going out, meeting with friends, etc. but now….I don’t. I know why. I’m embarrassed at the obese person I see in the mirror. A few months ago we met some friends at a concert. I’ll call them J (him) and L (her). I thought I looked okay, but when L walked in, heads turned…even mine. I want that for me, I want that for love muffin. I want him to be proud of me.

I don’t eat a balanced diet, unless you call burgers and fries balanced. I don’t allow any “me” time and exercise is purely non-existent. I’m disappointed in the person I have become. I’m always tired….exhausted actually. So much so, I was in bed at 8:00 last night and asleep by 9. My body aches. My hips hurt so much that I’ve had to put a pillow under my hips to sleep. I could blame my aging body but the truth points to my overweight body.

I contacted a long time friend yesterday. She made a dramatic slim down and I wanted her secrets. I knew the answer before I asked – eat right and exercise. Duh! It’s always been the answer, but I’ve continued to search for the quick fix, reached for the diet pills, whatever I could convince myself to turn the corner. For some reason, today I realized all that’s been in front of me for so long. One life – one body – one chance!

Today I ordered the books that will change my life….I feel it! The Eat Clean Diet by Tosca Reno. You basically eat balanced meals of protein, fruit, veggies and no sugar, flour….the bad stuff. I printed out the grocery list from the website (www.eatcleandiet.com) but will have more insight when the books arrive.

I haven’t owned scales in years. I bought some about a month ago that remain in the box. Tomorrow morning I will step on them and let reality slap me in the face. It will be more motivation! I know it will not be easy, but it will be worth it.

Wish me luck and tune in for my progress.