I had not planned to blog about the demise of my marriage; however, it has weighed heavily on my mind lately and, as you know, blogging is my “release”.
Writing about the end of a marriage is not easy. J- and I separated in February and in August, our divorce was finalized. There’s usually no one reason a marriage ends. There were faults on both sides. I hate the cliché, “We grew apart,” but in our case, it really was true. We had nothing in common. Our goals and dreams were not on the same page….not even in the same book. You never walk down the aisle with divorce in mind. I’m sure I had unrealistic expectations about our future together. I’m a dreamer. I was in love. Twelve years. It was a long time. A big ole chunk of my life. I will never say my marriage was a mistake nor was it a failure. We produced three amazing little boys that are my entire world and I thank him for that.
This was the hardest thing I have ever experienced. Every day I woke up thinking I did not have the strength to get through the process. I knew it was right and the best decision for me and the boys-- nonetheless, it was hard. I had an amazing support system. My sister and a few dear friends held my hand every step of the way. I questioned the decision often early on. I felt selfish, ashamed, embarrassed. Quite frankly, I was an emotional rollercoaster. I wish I say that J- and I are on good terms, but there is frequent divorce drama. I’ve heard that it will get better in time. I hope so.
Today, I can look back and I feel very triumphant. I did it. I feel in control of my life.
I am happy.
