Changing for the better

I’m an emotional eater. I celebrate with food when I’m happy, console myself with food when I’m sad. Food helped me cope with my feelings and became a friend. Three kids and a failed marriage later, I’m at the heaviest I’ve ever been. I have continued to see myself through rose colored glasses. I knew I had gained because when my love muffin and I decided to go to Mexico for vacation, none of my summer clothes from the previous year fit. What the hell – I’ll go up a size, they’ll be comfortable when I lose this extra weight. Guess what? I’ve never lost it. Fall came and my clothes (again) from last season didn’t fit.

I used to enjoy going out, meeting with friends, etc. but now….I don’t. I know why. I’m embarrassed at the obese person I see in the mirror. A few months ago we met some friends at a concert. I’ll call them J (him) and L (her). I thought I looked okay, but when L walked in, heads turned…even mine. I want that for me, I want that for love muffin. I want him to be proud of me.

I don’t eat a balanced diet, unless you call burgers and fries balanced. I don’t allow any “me” time and exercise is purely non-existent. I’m disappointed in the person I have become. I’m always tired….exhausted actually. So much so, I was in bed at 8:00 last night and asleep by 9. My body aches. My hips hurt so much that I’ve had to put a pillow under my hips to sleep. I could blame my aging body but the truth points to my overweight body.

I contacted a long time friend yesterday. She made a dramatic slim down and I wanted her secrets. I knew the answer before I asked – eat right and exercise. Duh! It’s always been the answer, but I’ve continued to search for the quick fix, reached for the diet pills, whatever I could convince myself to turn the corner. For some reason, today I realized all that’s been in front of me for so long. One life – one body – one chance!

Today I ordered the books that will change my life….I feel it! The Eat Clean Diet by Tosca Reno. You basically eat balanced meals of protein, fruit, veggies and no sugar, flour….the bad stuff. I printed out the grocery list from the website (www.eatcleandiet.com) but will have more insight when the books arrive.

I haven’t owned scales in years. I bought some about a month ago that remain in the box. Tomorrow morning I will step on them and let reality slap me in the face. It will be more motivation! I know it will not be easy, but it will be worth it.

Wish me luck and tune in for my progress.

so sorry

for the few that actually read along, sorry for my non-existence in the blogosphere. I've been both busy and lazy. luckily, work is steady, home life is crazy and my downtime is minimal.

Friday night I went to a friend's house for a glass (ahem - bottle!) of wine. We sat and chatted for hours. It was great to catch up and relax a little.

Halloween night was not so glittery and sparkly like I wanted. Dalton has decided he was too old to dress up, Mason just wanted to wear a head wrap that looked like a dog and rylan's mummy costume was destroyed when he walked two houses down and returned to tell me he strings were coming off. I realized that night that I overextend myself which in turn puts unnecessary pressure on me to fulfill yet another obligation, so if I say no, don't be offended. :-) I think because I love halloween, I want my kids to get that excitement but I can't force it down their throats.

Sunday was laundry and grocery day. The boys spent the night with nana and pops so I drove to cedar creek lake to pick them up, came home, helped den with the laundry and went to the store for lunch necessities. It was daylight savings time and I was exhausted. it takes at least a week to adjust.

To Twit or Tweet

Since I got my much desired iphone, I think I'm set up to tweet effectively, if I chose to. I'm just not so sure I want anyone knowing my every move -- kinda stalkerish, don't ya think?

Another busy week. Last night I had a headache when I left work and it stayed with me until about 9:30.

Today: Tonight we have to bake cupcakes and pick up 2 ltr drinks for Mason's fall festival tomrorow night. I'm also getting my hair cut. I can't decide what to do. I want to grow it out, but this stage sucks! Decisions.....Dalton wants to go to some church even called CHAOS, I told him, open his eyes, we live in chaos every day. lol

Tomorrow night is Mason's festival/carnival at school. Dalton also plays football tomorrow night (is the weather allows). Clone?

Ex and I switched weekends so he could actually spend some time with his kids on the weekends that he has them. He's off this Saturday, so we've planned accordingly... I hope he'll get them Friday night so I can go to the store with love muffin and get a gift for my Ry.

Saturday morning is Ry's birthday party. I need to pick up the cake (early). It's a GI JONES (as Ry calls it) cake - I hope it's cute. After the party they'll go with their dad for the remainder of the weekend. Saturday night we have a costume party to attend. I want to make some creepy food items to take. I found a recipe for a dip with carrots coming out as fingers and almond slivers placed as fingernails. GROSS! I love halloween! My other idea is to make cake balls (kellyskorner recipe) and make them look like eyeballs. Great ideas, I'm lacking on the crafty part. My mom has that trait. I will try though.

So back to my initial thought. I guess blogging is nearly the same as tweeting. When I'm out and about, I'm not really the type to document my every move. I prefer to savor IN the moment.

Southern Belle

THE SOUTHERN BELLE: red velvet cupcake with cream cheese frosting. YUM. Thanks Matt for the yummy cupckake! You rock!

one perk of working in dallas. Yummy treats that you can't find jsut anywhere. it was so sweet it made me quiver ~~

Perfect end to the day.

ahhhhh

Friday night was keeno with the girls. much fun. we talked more than we played. I drank a little much (mental note for next time). My ex- asked me to set him up with one of my friends..WTH?

Last night Den and I went to see COUPLES RETREAT. I love Vince Vaughn. Cute movie. I highly recommend it.

This morning I ran errands, bathed the dogs, started laundry and then went to a Mary Kay facial party at my neice's house. Now I'm home and ready to get cozy for the night. We're having fajitas for dinner.

Oh - I went to target today and only bought what we NEEDED (vs. WANTED). I got the dogs new collars and Georgia a harness....she's so strong and a little b**** that it hard to walk her so I'm trying the harness on her. AND I bought the boys some halloween pencils for $1. Proud of myself.

Gotta start onions & peppers for dinner. Much love to ya'!

flu flu go away

I must say I feel better at the moment. I'm not planning to run a marathon or anything, but at least I got dressed today. That was a huge step. Mason went back to school. He is still coughing, but fever-free. The house has been disinfected and hopefully we're on the mend.

Life has been crazy lately....a lot has fallen onto my plate and forced me to deal with some ME things. I need to take responsibility for me, my children and the future. There...said it. Whew, now the action part. lol Steals and deals are just that, but bargain shopping for Tobey, or shopping period, for Tobey is coming to a halt. I've convinced myself that I can live the simple life, but my actions are showing otherwise. I don't need STUFF to be happy. I don't. I know I don't, but I empty my closets to consignment and donations, only to start filling them back up. I need to find control in my life and this new found "budget" he speaks of, will help me gain it back. No more frivolous spending. No more target (aka crack house) binges. No more shoe dazzle. I'm living on a budget and within my means - that is my new motto.

I'm supposed to play keeno with the girls Friday night. I HOPE HOPE HOPE I feel well enough to enjoy some girl time. Living with 4 boys....I need it.

Saturday snapshot

Canton was fun - I was tired though, after walking around ALL day -- we never stopped to sit down, probably because we couldn't find a seat. We even ate our corn dogs standing. Fun trip -- got some cute shirts, a jacket and some jewelry. They had the instyler for $50 but I couldn't convince myself to get it.

Last night love muffin and I went to the Texas Theater to watch The Dallahachie Boys perform. I had not been to the Texas Theater since it was an actual theater. I went with Jack Hughes and he put his arm around me and I was scared he wanted to kiss me. LOL. I think it was 6th grade.

This morning I got a call from Uncle Dustin that Mason was running fever and not feeling well. I went to pick him up and made a dr. appointment. Swine flu. Poor baby, as soon as the doctor walked out after telling us, he broken into tears. All of the hype on the news had him scared. She came back and assured him that he would be okay.

We came home, I made him some chicken noodle soup and he played on the computer....yes, the same computer I'm typing on right now. We all took naps this afternoon. I heart naps. When I got up, I started couging and my shoulders and neck hurt. I left my vitamins at work. Crap! Cross your fingers.

OH -- and big news, I got my iphone. Ordered it about 4 yesterday and it was delivered today -- still getting set up now so nothing to report really