Happy Holidays

I hope everyone is able to spend quality time with family and friends. Enjoy this special time.

Travel Suggestions

My D.Da and I are taking a trip in 2009. Beachy, beautiful, relaxing. The extent of my "vacationing" consists of CanCun (13 years ago) and Surfside Beach, Texas so I need suggestions. We are thinking Hawaii, Jamaica, basically looking into any options. SO....if you (or someone you know) have been somewhere that fits the bill, send the info my way please!

Monday, Monday, Monday

I didn’t sleep well last night and therefore I’m feeling it today. I am irritable, grumpy, tired, blah….and just in a funk. I had bad dreams all night – dreamt about my lovey, blanket sucking dog Hunter and about having migraines so intense I couldn’t stand up. I was cold, yet I woke up soaking wet, covered in sweat. That’s always a good feeling….did I pee on myself or sweat for hours? It was the latter.

Just when I think I’m “in control” of any aspect of my life - WHAM…something else. I try not to be so pessimistic but there are definite times that’s all I’ve got. Like now.

Today is my D.Da’s birthday. He’s the big 3-0!

Grow up already

I wish some people would grow up and begin taking responsibilty for their own actions.

In my head today...

My brother is very ill from his diabetes & polycystic kidney disease. His kidneys are not functioning properly and dialysis is in his very near future. My sister was recently diagnosed with thyroid cancer and is scheduled to begin treatment in the next few weeks. Things like this remind me to be thankful for my own health and pray for those who are all near and dear to me

Damn.....BUSTED!

Thanks Kim.e!

I Wish***

* I wish I had a healthy family
* I wish I were photogenic
* I wish Dr. Phil and Super Nanny would both come to my house
* I wish people were more forgiving

Turkey Day is over

The Thanksgiving holidays were jam packed with activities and plans. I began my holidays a day early on Wednesday because I forgot to make any childcare alternatives. By Saturday my kids were going stir crazy. Dalton spent the night with friends twice over the week but little Mason and Rylan were just dying to go somewhere, do something, anything....Granted, we did some fun things. Thanksgiving Eve (ha ha) we went to Gay & Rusty's and got to hold and love on little Brycen. Thanksgiving Day we went to D.Da's parents at Cedar Creek Lake and spent the day, then I took them to their cousins where they spent time with that side of the family and spent the night. Friday was rainy and pretty much a lazy day, although we did get the tree (thanks ray & shannon for thinking of us), get it put up and began decorating the house. Saturday we went to the ICE exhibit at the Gaylord Texan, which was quite amazing. Yesterday I tried to finish setting out christmas decor and put away the boxes. See -- busy. Today...EXHAUSTED! I couldn't sleep last night -- mind was racing, and I think the last time I looked at the clock, it was 1:30 am. Back on track today, but tired nonetheless. Gotta grab a bite to eat, now I need fuel to keep going.

Holidaze

So much of my recent blogs are such ramblings. I guess that’s the purpose, but still.

I’m looking forward to the holidays…sort of. I love the togetherness you feel around Thanksgiving & Christmas. The boys and I are joining my D-da’s family for turkey day. It’s been a while since we’ve seen them so I am looking forward to it. The dynamics are so different. They have a small family and therefore less drama. It will be nice!

Afterwards, we’ll drop off the boys with their dad to spend some time with his family. I’m still trying to figure out if there’s anything in the ads worth getting up at 5:00 AM but that was in my plan.

I need to get our new tree from my bro and put it up, have the kids help decorate …

update

jimmy's dad is going to pull through. this man must have 9 lives...or 12 or 15... they plan to move him to a regular room by tomorrow. his head injury is pretty significant but didn't penetrate far enough to cause any brain damage. his recollection of what happened is still shady.

I Need Happy

I need happy. My honey sent me flowers and that definitely put a smile on my face, but I admit I am in a bit of a funk. Drama, holidays, stress, my car is about to fall apart, the list goes on but listing all of the issues would force me to think about them and all I want to do is think happy things. So......with that said, I found a happy list...an email sent to me some time ago that I look at from time to time. I hope you enjoy and I hope it puts a smile on your face.

Sing in the shower - Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated - Watch a sunrise at least once a year - Leave the toilet seat in the down position - Never refuse homemade brownies - Strive for excellence, not perfection - Plant a tree on your birthday - Learn three clean jokes - Return borrowed vehicles with the gas tank full - Compliment three people every day - Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them - Leave everything a little better than you found it - Keep it simple - Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures - Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know - Floss your teeth - Ask for a raise when you feel you've earned it - Be forgiving of yourself and others - Over tip breakfast waitresses - Say "thank you" a lot - Say "please" a lot - Avoid negative people - Buy whatever kids are selling on card tables in their front yards - Wear polished shoes - Remember other people's birthdays - Commit yourself to constant improvement - Carry jumper cables in your trunk - Have a firm handshake - Send lots of Valentine cards. Sign them, "Someone who thinks you're terrific - Look people in the eye - Be the first to say "Hello" - Use the good silver - Return all things you borrow - Make new friends but cherish the old ones - Keep secrets - Sing in a choir - Plant flowers every spring - Have a dog - Always accept an outstretched hand - Stop blaming others. Take responsibility for every area of your life - Wave a kids on school buses - Be there when people need you - Feed a stranger's expired parking meter - Don't expect life to be fair - Never underestimate the power of love - Drink champagne for no reason at all - Live your life as an exclamation, not an explanation - Don't be afraid to say, "I made a mistake" - Don't be afraid to say, "I don't know" - Compliment even small improvements - Keep your promises (no matter what) - Marry only for love - Rekindle old friendships - Count your blessings - Call you mother

extended ex-family stuff

early this morning, actually as i was walking out the door, i got a call that something had happened at my "ex-father-in-law's" house...police were there taping off his yard and treating it as a crime scene. as calmly as i could, i dropped the boys off at school and went to his house. oh, but who should be there? ex-husband's white trash girlfriend (wtg). i am the bigger person so I tried to console her and find out what was going on. several officers were there, investigators and an ambulance crew. all we knew was that he was found in his driveway early this morning by a neighbor, unconscious and lying in a puddle of blood. now, he and i have never gotten along. we have had a difference of opinion on things that are acceptable. after talking to the ex- I headed to parkland hospital to try and find out his condition. i arrived at the hospital, nervous and alone. when i asked the information desk about him, they said there was an 'unidentified John Doe' that was transported from waxahachie. she then told me the chaplain would be out to talk to me. i lost it. i really thought i had no tears to shed for this man. there are definitely a lot of past issuses that were never addressed. i realized at that point that i may be identifying his body and tried to figure out the best way to tell his son, my ex-husband, who was on his way to dallas from houston. i was overcome with emotion. i called a friend to come be with me because i was not sure what was ahead. at that point, i realized how short life is. how everything you have could be taken in an instant. i felt like i was in an ER episode. the doctor came in and explained that he had gone into cardiac arrest upon arrival and CPR had to be performed to resusitate him. his body temperature was 70 degrees -- almost 30 degrees less than the average core body temp. they were sending him to SICU (surgical ICU) where they had performed a CAT scan to see if there was any head trauma and evaluating his condition. he was in critical condition. the sweet chaplain stayed with me and walked me up the waiting room. when wtg arrived and i told her the status, she was hysterical. i guess i had my moments in private so again, i tried to console. it was a strange situation. finally jimmy arrived. we got updates from the doctor and felt much better about the outcome. they were trying to stabilize him and slowly raise his body temperature. the update was promising. as of now, it looks like he will pull through although it's too early to know the extent of any damage.

so...............................................................

take time to tell your family and friends that you love them. say it often. mean it. don't wait until it's too late. show and tell them. don't wait for a special day. don't wait for tomorrow.
if your parents are still alive, tell them how much you appreciate all they taught you.
if you are a parent, tell your children, how proud you are of them. if you have a spouse, tell them what it is about them that you love.

So tell them, now, and every chance you get. you never know what the "bigger plan" is

Moving on

I think…I HOPE that my ex- and I are at a point that we can have calm conversations without losing our cool. We were together for so long, we knew the buttons to push that would send the other into complete insanity…and we did it! The last few weeks have resulted in some parenting dilemma’s that required our cooperation and I was pleasantly surprised that we were able to work together.

Ridiculous addiction

i love reality tv. i think i just want a peek into how the other half (the ones with money) really live. envious? nah.... i think it's more curious. Some of the stupid, yet "can't miss" shows are: Real World/Road Rules Challenge, Jon & Kate plus 8 (they had a set of twins, then wanted one more and had a set on sextuplets. if they can do it with 8 kids...surely I can manage 3), America's Next Top Model (I catch this on weekend re-runs), The Hills and last but not least, The Girls Next Door. I guess this one catches my attention because really.... who wouldn't "date" an 80 year old man to get all of the perks of living at the Playboy Mansion. I would. Maybe...but that would mean I would have to be thin, blonde, under the age of 30. Okay, so rules me out....just another reason I am intrigued by it. Bridget, Holly and Kendra are moving on and letting some young little skank ho's move right in. Holly is just a dingbat. She was his #1 girl. how do you think that makes the other girls feel? So rumor has it that she's dating Criss Angel, the Mindfreak, or just freaky guy. Bridget is not publicly with anyone in particular, although she's my favorite. I love her dog. It's a pekingese named "Wednesday". kendra is the young 'en of the group and is recently engaged to a football player. She's crazy, wild, fun but young....KENDRA...DON'T DO IT....you're too young!!!!! See, this is bad. I really feel like I know them. But I think when the new "girls" move in, I'm done. so....I suppose my addiction could be worse.

Something new

I love learning something new...especially when it's something I think I will use.

...back in the day, there was a feature to print your screen, I needed to print a list of files and low and behold, you can still do it.

If you want to know how, you have to email me. :-)

stress

(strěs). noun. physical, mental, or emotional strain or tension

SKIN

Can someone explain why, at 34 (I'm really 29), I'm dealing with skin problems...acne!? I've already named them -- Thelma and Louise. Hopefully these gals won't stay with me much longer. I ordered Skin ID, a specialized product line from Neutrogena. It's 100% guaranteed, so what do I have to lose?

drama, drama, drama

This has been a tough week. monday night was child drama. last night, dog drama. I let Presley out to potty and he usually runs to the house right behind ours to go. his doggie friends snickers and lilly live there. i let him out, went back to the kitchen, returned outside and called him....nothing! in my house shoes, i started walking down the road, by snickers house. no site of my fluffy white pup anywhere. as i walked back to the house, a million terrible thoughts ran through my head. i ran into the house, told the kids that presley was lost and i was walking to the college. they barely acknowledge me or what I was saying. they certainly didn't see the tears falling down my cheeks. i walked briskly to the college, calling him the whole way. i passed a few people and asked if they had seen him, but no one had. i run back home and decide I need to get in the car to search for him. I take mason and rylan with me, and leave dalton at the house so he can call me if presley returns. we make 2 trips around the immediate area and are making our last pass through, when mason yells -- I see him! I slammed on the brakes and presley runs and jumps in my lap. WHEW! mason has always been my child that finds everything, now add PETS to his list!

Thank goodness Monday is over

So much for my relaxing evening. I’m convinced that I should plan for chaos and then be pleasantly surprised if that is not the result. I'm not feeling much like filling in the details of my evening, so I'm moving forward.

Tonight I'm getting my hair cut. I've been letting it grow and it's starting to look long, but....I think it may be boring. We'll see what I end up with! It'll be a surprise, even to me.

Mommy Time Out

Can I get a mommy time out? Please...
It's Monday and we've had an action packed, fun filled weekend that has left me exhausted! I managed to make it through the day but I am falling fast. Tonight we're having chicken fajitas and I HOPE, HOPE, HOPE that I can take a nice, long, uninterrupted bath and turn in early. Wish me luck!

Oh Baby!

I LOVE babies. The sweet smiles, their soft skin, their smell. The tiny feet, the face of a sleeping child, their giggle. God's most precious gift.

Gay's son Matt, and his fiance Ana, welcomed their first son, Brycen Matthew into the world on Tuesday, October 21st.

Isn't he just adorable? Unfortunately, I won't get to hold him for about another month. They are expected to visit Texas during the Thanksgiving holidays so I can love him up! :-)

New mommy and daddy! Congrats, and welcome to the world of no sleep!

Losing Weight

Yesterday began Day 1 of my weight watchers/weight loss journey. Historically speaking, diets fail me, or maybe I fail on diets. Whatever. I decided to blog about my “new way of eating” because I think making yourself accountable really does work. And if I know it is possible that someone is reading my blog, I will be accountable to not only myself but others as well. Yesterday I had NO Dr. Pepper. And for those of you that know me well, this is huge! Yes, it’s just day one but a giant step in the right direction.

I promise not to bore you with every detail of consumption, just bear with me while I get this going!

Kids....Gotta love them

I just love the innocence of children. My boys are constantly voicing their random thoughts. Last night I was watching TV with mason and rylan. A commercial came on that showed two people getting married. Here's our conversation:
mason: mom...when 2 people get married, how does that put a baby in the girls stomach?
[GULP! I stayed silent for a moment, trying my best to defer the question and maybe come up with a good response.]
mason: mom, did you hear me?
me: Yes. Can we talk about it tomorrow?
mason: but can you just tell me a little bit right now?
[remember rylan is here too, so i don't want to say too much]
me: When the boy and girl are in love, they kiss, and he puts a seed inside her that makes a baby grow. I'll tell you more tomorrow
which translates into, let me search the internet and find the best and most simple approach to explaining the birds and the bees.

Gotta do some research!

Random Thoughts

The boys and I slept later than I had planned. It’s a school day. I need to be up by 6:45 (6:30 if I’m energized), but I suppose I pressed the snooze button one too many time and at 7:20, I realized I could see daylight! Somehow, I made it to work by 9, a little late, but I made it nonetheless.

Matt and Ana are expecting their first baby boy sometime today! I am anxiously awaiting the call!

Doggies. Part of me wishes I would get over this pet fascination. I don’t know where it came from. It’s probably been with me for a long time. We always had dogs and cats as I was growing up, but not until Rylan was 2 years old, did I REALLY want a doggie companion. Maybe it was a yearning for another child, and I could replace that need with a pet which is much more low maintenance! This little girl is such a cutie. Her name is Cassie and I want her! http://www.petfinder.com/petnote/displaypet.cgi?petid=11964361

Politics. I don’t even know where to begin. I’m not much of a political person but I do realize that this election is very important (not like any other election is less important) and it will probably be a close call, so my vote will count. I’m just still not sure who I’m voting for.

I took pictures of me & my tutu last night, but I’m not willing to put them on my blog. Apparently I see myself through rose colored glasses…J I know I’m not small, but when I walk out the door every day, I take a look in the mirror and think – not too bad, Tobey. Photos, on the other hand..especially full body photos…yea, well, don’t show a good version of me. It’s definitely not the same me I see in the mirror. SO….tomorrow I start weight watchers. I’m usually not good when it comes to diets, but I’ll give it a try. 20 pounds by Christmas is my goal.

My mind is all over the place today.

Dancing with the Stars!

Have I mentioned how much I love this show? Tonight will be super-fun! I may even dance around in my tutu!!!!

Crazy~Happy~Frightened

if one can experience all of these emotions at once, leave it to me. i missed a few days of my "happy pills" and although I'm back on track, it sometimes takes several days before my body realizes it. i think i have cried more in the last 2 days than i have in months. LOVE CYMBALTA!

amidst my fury of emotions is a big one that keeps jumping out. i hate to be a whine bag, but...good things don't normally happen to me. in the last year alone, i've lost a business, filed for bankruptcy and divorced. that is one year people! i've been so happy lately, apparently i'm beaming from delight. because i have this negativity stuck in my soul, i think something is going to happen that will change all of my beaming. i'm so happy, i'm terrified. ~~clenched fists, biting nails~~

I need therapy!

Life is short

Life is short. You never know when you or your loved ones could be taken away in an instant. If there is something important you want to do, don't wait. If there is someone who needs to hear that you forgive them or love them, don't put it off.

AMAZING

I had the most amazing weekend. Absolutely amazing. I don't know how long it's been since I have been this happy.

Happy Daze

About my blog yesterday...am I bitter? Nope. Because it is out of my control. If I learned anything in the last 12 years, I've learned that you cannot change anyone but yourself. You can beg and plead or hope silently that someone will change but unless they want to---it will not happen. So, be miserable in your existence. Know that your hurtful words will not hurt me, but will only make me stronger!

With that said.....today is another day. I had a rather relaxing evening last night -- minimal arguing among the kids. We found the escaped momma hamster. My love muffin called this morning to make sure I woke up, so I wasn't rushing around the house. It's a good day! :-)

HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY

Letter to Fam.

If it applies to you, well, then you know it. If not, disregard!

Some people never cease to amaze me. Ever heard the phrase, blood is thicker than water? Well….some people haven’t. Apparently to some, family means “the people you can talk about and make assumptions about, yet never confront”. Just because you THINK you know about someone, or have “heard”….well, that’s an assumption. If you want to know something, ask. If it bothers you, talk. If you don’t have the balls, drop it. People may have questioned decisions I have made over the last year, but if you haven’t talked to me personally, then you probably really don’t know. If it’s jealousy, admit it to yourself and move on. Get counseling. That’s what it’s there for. You may not agree with everything I do, but have you ever thought that you’re not perfect either? I don’t think I would have made the same decisions you did, but I’m also not out talking about it and putting YOU down. You are not in my shoes. You do not know me.

New Diet....whatever!

I just read an article about a new weight loss plan. The divorce diet. They say divorce is near the top of the list of the most stressful life events, its second behind death. Women are “forgetting” to eat. What the hell is that? I could forget one meal, but I’ll betcha the next meal I make up for it. If anything I’ve gained weight. More alcohol is to blame I’m sure. Oh well….I’ll seek out the next crazy, fad diet

When it rains, it pours

no explanation needed

Dr. McDreamy

so this morning I go to the dr. for my annual check up. all is well. pretty pathetic that my doctor----the one that i see only once a year---- notices my uplifted mood. he said I was glowing. :-)

i felt glowing this morning but on my drive in, i did a lot of thinking and generally, that's not good. well -- i guess it depends. regardless, now i'm kinda in a funk. just thinking about the last year and all that has happened and then thinking of my future, and what will happen.

gotta go --- must cry

Deep stuff…the big “D”

I had not planned to blog about the demise of my marriage; however, it has weighed heavily on my mind lately and, as you know, blogging is my “release”.

Writing about the end of a marriage is not easy. J- and I separated in February and in August, our divorce was finalized. There’s usually no one reason a marriage ends. There were faults on both sides. I hate the cliché, “We grew apart,” but in our case, it really was true. We had nothing in common. Our goals and dreams were not on the same page….not even in the same book. You never walk down the aisle with divorce in mind. I’m sure I had unrealistic expectations about our future together. I’m a dreamer. I was in love. Twelve years. It was a long time. A big ole chunk of my life. I will never say my marriage was a mistake nor was it a failure. We produced three amazing little boys that are my entire world and I thank him for that.

This was the hardest thing I have ever experienced. Every day I woke up thinking I did not have the strength to get through the process. I knew it was right and the best decision for me and the boys-- nonetheless, it was hard. I had an amazing support system. My sister and a few dear friends held my hand every step of the way. I questioned the decision often early on. I felt selfish, ashamed, embarrassed. Quite frankly, I was an emotional rollercoaster. I wish I say that J- and I are on good terms, but there is frequent divorce drama. I’ve heard that it will get better in time. I hope so.

Today, I can look back and I feel very triumphant. I did it. I feel in control of my life.

I am happy.

Sick and tired

what do you get when you have 3 boys under the age of 12 and a mom who works in a petri dish? SICK! mason and i are both sick -- have been all week. completely unrelated illnesses but sick nonetheless. mason missed school all week. i missed 2 days of work. but.....i'm on the mend. i feel a lot better today and hopefully will continue to feel better through the weekend. wish me luck

Happy List

Over the last several years, I’ve been so caught up in being a mom and wife that I lost a bit of me, so I decided to find me~

I keep a spiral at my bedside because nighttime is when my brain seems to focus on things other than the hustle bustle of my life, so I started writing down the things that I think make me happy. Some are material, others feelings, or thoughts.

What makes me happy:

• Fishing
• Wishing on a star
• The perfect song, at the perfect time
• Chic flicks
• Long walks
• A lazy day
• Swinging at the park
• MUSIC
• Fireworks
• The Beach
• Walking barefoot in the grass
• The smell of play doh
• The smell of coconut
• Flowers
• A long soak in the bathtub
• Massage
  

I encourage you to make your happy list. Do it. Guaranteed to make you smile!

Not a Louisville Slugger

This morning I am scrambling to get the boys ready for school. Rylan was having a meltdown. Mason was wandering aimlessly around the house and I had misplaced my keys when I got home last night. Needless to say it was hectic. Dalton had already left to go to his bus stop which is about a block down the road. I was digging in my purse (still looking for keys) when I felt my phone vibrate. THIS is why I was running late. My ringer was off....AGAIN!!!! It's Dalton and he is all excited and says, "Mom, guess what....I found a bat". The excitement in his voice told me this was no Louisville Slugger but I needed to confirm. "A baseball bat?" I said. "No mom...a real live bat." I hope to scare him by telling him they bite, they carry rabies and if there's one, there are probably more. No such luck. I find my keys and we get in the car. I decide that I should probably go check out the bat situation. I find Dalton with a stick, and his friend with a cup. He says, "it makes a really cool noise". This poor little bat. I'm a sucker for small and fuzzy things. He was harmless...He had a broken wing and couldn't fly, or move much for that matter, other than flopping himself from side to side. Luckily the school bus came and Dalton and his friend got on. My car straddled the bat and off we went.

Look at the little fella. Harmless!

What a girl wants

What is the answer to this riddle of life? Girls want to be wined, dined, pampered and wowed. She wants to be treated like the queen that she is. She wants to be someone’s NUMBER ONE! Actually, these are not just wants, they are needs.

Guys, if you are still clueless – read on.
 Tell her you admire her
 When she’s upset, hold her tight
 Pick her over all your other friends
 Play with her hair
 Tickle her
 Talk to her
 Tell her jokes
 Bring her flowers just because
 Hold her hand
 Let her fall asleep in your arms
 Sing to her no matter how awful you sound
 Push her on a swing
 Tell her she is beautiful
 Look into her eyes and smile
 Kiss her
 Slow dance with her even if there’s no music
 Kiss her in the rain
 And when you fall in love with her….tell her

Rare Form

For those of you close to me, my family, friends and loved ones, I AM in rare form lately....I've been taking diet pills and I know from past experience that they can make me crabby but give a girl a break, I need to lose some weight (as professed by my lovely Mason last night) so, don't take it personally if I tend to be a little distant. In 20-30 pounds, I'll be back to normal! :-)

The boys are back in town.....

No....not a song. The boys come home today after a long weekend with their father. It's a refreshing, not to mention quiet break, but I am always ecstatic to see them.

Refine my life

with the divorce comes change. some changes that are part of being a single mom, some changes I want to make, because I can. while searching the net I found a list of things to simplify your life. Let's see how many of these I can actually follow

Lose the premium channels on your cable TV. Not a chance in hell
Lose your pay-per-view converter. It's cheaper than late fees
Lose cable altogether. One luxury that I need
Lose TV altogether. Refer to #1 on the list
Walk and ride your bike more and use your car less. My love muffin & I are going bike riding this weekend
When you drive in your car, use your radio less and embrace silence more. Yes, I do, on occasion. Although I find music to be very therapeutic
Set aside a few minutes each day for quiet prayer or reflection. I don't have a few minutes
Give money away. I wish I had enough to share. Unfortunately, that is NOT the case
Give stuff away. Working on this one
Throw stuff away. This too
Eat less meat. If I think about the original source, I would eat less meat
Eat less. Yes - thank you adipex
Drink water, juice, and milk more, soft drinks and alcohol less. Right now, some alcohol is essential for my sanity
Bake bread from scratch in your own kitchen. I'm not Betty Crocker
Take a nap. LOVE naps
Read some history. Wish I could but it must be interesting
Write some poetry. roses are red...
Hum, sing, or whistle, even if you have a tin ear. I have a few songs that I sing my heart out
Walk outside and find something beautiful (or not-so-beautiful) that's growing; then just stare it for a while. Then stare at it some more. good idea

The Big "D"

it was a long awaited day. divorce day. if you don't "know" me, the comment may seem inappropriate but it was a way of erecting a big neon sign that says "It's over. That part of my life is behind me now". So there. That's it. I'll save the 'what went wrong' drama for another blog - maybe. It's over. The drama continues but I am officially a divorcee. The boys and I are all adjusting well. We've had a few bumps in the road but that is expected. We deserve to be happy and safe and now....we are!

School has begun

So far, not so bad. School started. Three kids. Three different schools.

It is a work in progress that we have a few kinks to work out but overall, it's working. Dalton is so excited he wakes at 5:30 AM (well before I get up) to get ready, shower and eat breakfast. Mason is NOT my early riser. I literally drag his feet off the bed until he's hanging, at which point he finally stands up. Rylan just requires a little attention and silliness to get moving. All in all, not a big change from our summer routine.

I really am blessed to have such amazing boys.

Times are changing

Dalton has been talking to a girl that I’ll call Nancy. She rides a dirtbike, they talk or text ALL of the time and she is a little older than him. Last night he wants to invite her over for dinner. After listening to his whining, and thinking it’s really not a big deal, I reluctantly agree. Secretly I might have been hoping that her parents would say no. Dalton gets re-dressed, fixed his hair and comes into the kitchen while I’m cooking to find a tablecloth for the table. Because he has done the tablecloth thing before, I’ve realized he thinks that means something special. To me, tablecloths mean one more thing to wash. Okay – whatever. She arrives (a bit to my surprise) and they go to his room so he can show her his trophies, then to the living room to watch the Olympics. Thank goodness Mason and Rylan didn’t leave their side. After dinner they go back to the living room. I take the dogs outside and they come out (thank goodness). I hate to be this overprotective, sneaky mom, but let’s face it – times are changing. He is about ½ foot shorter than she is. They walk out holding hands. As they walk towards the back yard, he looks over his shoulder & smiles at me. Yes Dalton, I see you’re holding her hand. Oh gosh, I’ve got a hormone crazed child on my hands!

Blog Flog

So I forgot my password, reset it, forgot it again and reset it this morning. So....I will be back to blogging this afternoon. I have LOTS to blog about.

Frazzled

I'm a little frazzled right now -- nervous about my mother's surgery tomorrow. The boys are with their father for the remainder of the week....he was kind enough to give me a little break with all of this going on. I miss them terribly but after spending the day tomorrow at the hospital, I will not be at my best, so it's probably a good idea. So...if you're ready this, please take a moment to say a little prayer.

Quotes to ponder...

Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude. -Denis Waitley

You can never get enough of what you don't need to make you happy. -Eric Hoffer

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. - Helen Keller

People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within. - Ramona L. Anderson

The Fishing Trip

Day 1: My brother Jon, my best friend Beth and my boyfriend Dennis and I were getting away for the weekend. We headed to the coast about 10:00 AM on Friday. At 10:30, I had my first beer. Give me a break – this is officially my “VACATION”…besides, it’s 5 o’clock somewhere, right? After several hours in the car and many drinks later, we arrive and head for the water. The ride out wasn’t too bad, partly because of the high level of intoxication. We fish for a few hours and get nothing so we decide to grab some dinner…the corndogs and burritos from the convenient store weren’t holding us over. I think I almost fell face first into my dinner, I was so exhausted.

Day 2: Up at the crack of dawn, before 6 AM and get on the boat. The mosquitoes were awful. For some reason, the mosquitoes in this area are the size of small birds. We head out. I sit on the floor of the boat because I feel safer. We start our adventure. The boat was going so freaking fast, I was a nervous wreck……where are my xanax? Beth and I both were preparing for the boat to flip at any given moment. Our knuckles were white from gripping every part of the boat that we thought would hold us in. We finally get to the point where we’ll stop and start fishing. Poor Beth. She got sick. She asked for the coast guard, but this really was not a medical emergency. I got a bite. It was big. I had to put the belt on. I had my feet pressed against the side of the boat, belt on, Dennis holding me, then holding my pole. This fish was not giving up. I fought him for a while and ultimately, the line broke. BUMMER! I had a big one. We continued on fishing in different locations. Dennis caught a kingfish and a pink fish, I caught some bait fish – as did Jon, but no keepers. Did I mention Beth was still sick? Yea….she was sick the entire day. Oh….and I caught three fish at one time, that’s impressive, right?

Mommy Vacation

My baby brother Jon (yes, I still call him my baby brother even though he’s 30) is an avid fisherman. Last September I went deep sea fishing with him off the coast of Surfside Beach (near Galveston). I’ve always LOVED to fish – probably love it more than most women should be allowed to love a stinky, slimy creature with bulging eyeballs. It was the greatest day ever. Fifty miles off the shore and in the middle of the ocean, there was no sight of land. It was my little paradise. Don’t mind the murky waters and excess seaweed, it WAS paradise. Tomorrow I leave again for Paradise. Okay, I may be over exaggerating here but I need to secure my seat on the boat. The boys will be with their father, I took a day of vacation and I’m headed to the coast. I hope I catch something big, or pretty, or scary. Hell, just something other than bait fish. Wish me luck!!! This was the fish I caught last time -- it's a wahoo...You hoo for the wahoo

Okay, a few clarifications...just for you NIN! The water was quite blue becasue we were so far out. I even jumped in (aka fell in) then got a little panicky about sharks so I pee'd in the water and got out. LMAO!!!

AND....I am SO sad that I will not get to spend the weekend with my favorite sister in law and the boy bun in the oven, but I will be camera happy and take lots of pics for your viewing pleasure. Luv u nin! :-)

Discovery Mode

So I’ve been watching this show on TLC called “Must Love Kids”. It is about three women, all divorced, with children, who are ready to find love. Quite enlightening, considering my current situation… So last night I watch as we go on individual dates. See—reality TV does that. I say ‘we’ as if I’m on the date too. LOL! Kristin was on a date with David, the landscape contractor and over dinner he asks…what makes you happy? That got me thinking. I’m on a path of self discovery. So what makes ME happy….give me the weekend to ponder and I’ll have my happy list by next week.

Mom

Dear Family and Friends,

As most of you are aware, my mom has been in and out of the hospital since April due to complications from polycystic liver disease. Polycystic disease is a genetic disease characterized by the growth of numerous cysts on the liver. While she was diagnosed with this disease over twenty-five (25) year ago, this is the first instance of the disease rearing its ugly head.

We have spent countless hours at various medical facilities for consultations, surgery, catheter placement and replacement, as well as emergency room visits and extensive tests to add her to the liver transplant list.

Ultimately, it was determined that the best course of action is a liver re-section. This procedure entails removing half of the liver and re-routing the bile ducts and reconnecting to the intestines. The surgery is scheduled for August 5th at 7:00 AM and will last approximately 4-5 hours. She will be in the hospital at Methodist Central in Dallas for 5-7 days. The doctors have advised us that the first 24 hours are the most critical as her body will either accept or reject the changes to her liver.

For the most part, she has been in high spirits but as the surgery date gets near, she is beginning to worry, as we all are – but we remain optimistic.

Please keep family in your thoughts and prayers.

I’ve flown through the last year of my life on an adrenaline powered blur…

Divorce took away the image of a happy family and let the world in on a secret that I’d been holding close, fearful that someone would know I was not happy. I painted a pretty picture and spent a lot of time reasoning with myself. My inner thoughts convinced me that it was my job to fix my marriage, but I felt lonely. At some point, probably after many therapy sessions, I realized the only person I can change is myself. And so I flipped the switch on my heart. It was over and my heart knew it.

The journey has not been simple, but I am finding a new me.

I am regaining a sense of power and control of my life. I am finding lost pieces of myself that lie buried in happier times, many years ago. I laugh. I smile. I am focused on the positive things that I have to offer the world.

Critters

It's no secret that I love cute & fuzzy things. I've owned cats and dogs (both big and small), and have been quite curious about the sugar glider and potbelly pig. About a month ago a friend sent a bulletin through myspace that her two "male" hamsters had babies -- 12 of them! Mason has always wanted a hamster but when we went to the store, they said in order for them to be tame and for you to handle them, you needed to get them young. I told my friend to let me know when they were ready to go to homes and I'd decide. Did I mention I'm a sucker for cute & fuzzy things? We went to her house last night and picked three of the cutest little hamsters. Rylan got the runt, which he named Puppy. Mason got the fatest, most laid back and named her Trixie and Dalton got a medium sized one which he is naming after his friends -- today, the hamster is Chad. Let me tell you, if I can find ANY way to get my kids up the mornings, I'll make a sacrifice so early this morning, I put each of their hamsters on them with a boisterous -- WAKE UP MY SUNSHINES. When the boys wake up happy, mom is happy. It is a good day!!!!!

Birthday

Birthdays were always big in my house. As long as I can remember, I felt like queen for the day. So....of course, as tradition were meant to be, I carry this one on. Yes, you'll see me tomorrow in my sparkly tiara letting the world know that this is my day. I know some people don't celebrate birthdays by more than a "Happy Birthday" but I want my day to be big...huge even. I'm not exactly excited that I am getting older, although with age comes experience and knowledge and those things are good, so next year I'll start counting backwards and hope I don't lose the experience or knowledge that you earn with each passing year.

Next Big Thing

So apparently, this is the next big thing....blogging. Basicallly, journaling - which is supposed to be therapeutic and God knows I could use therapy. Hell, I don't even know if I'll share my blog with anyone unless I have something interesting to say, or type.